It’s quiet and all seems right in the world, but for how long?
I was sitting peacefully in my living room under the warm glow of the Christmas tree. Up until this moment things had been hectic, even frantic. A specific goal I had set my mind to had been achieved, and I felt good and proud. So why did I feel so unsettled?
Have you ever accomplished something you had worked for? You finally achieved this big and important thing. And then something sets in: a sense of dread and uncertainty.
This sense of post-success foreboding is something I have experienced many times, and it is something I see in the men I work with. One of the reasons I believe this persists, and is so pervasive, is because it is not something we have developed skills around. In my training as a therapist I was given a full toolbox for helping people cope with failure; for bringing them up from that despair. But what about success? This is one of the most interesting things I see and address is the ability to tolerate success.
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
The skill of success tolerance is vital because, if we do not develop character skills around tolerating success then we will sit waiting for the other shoe to drop. And what I have experienced is that sometimes we get tired of waiting and we jump in and drop the other shoe ourselves.
Enter the Saboteur
Recognizing the Saboteur Archetype is vital to understanding why we sometimes are the biggest barriers to our own success. We sabotage our success in our careers and we sabotage success within our relationships.
How good are we willing to let things get?
A dear friend of mine shared some wisdom they received from their Spiritual Director when she asked the question, “How good are we willing to let things get?” This question cuts right to the heart of our sense of worthiness. So why do we, as men, have such a problem accepting our own worthiness? The key to understanding the heart of a man is through his grief. I have seen this in my own life and through countless other men. We must be willing to look at our own grief, our own failings, the injustice we have caused, if we are to be able to look upon our glowing success.
A sturdiness that only comes through grief
If we are willing to do the gut-wrenching work of grief. If we are able to look upon our lives, as they are, not as we wish they should be. Not as others might perceive it. Only then will we be able to accept the goodness that is offered to us through our wives, our partners, our children, our clients and others in our lives. Only then will we be able to accept the sometimes inconceivable truth that we are already worthy of peace.
Remember your worthiness,
What are we to believe?
by Daniel Hope
What are we to believe
when it is quiet … too quiet
When the thing you’ve wished for
is suddenly yours
and the specter of scarcity
makes way for the
churning horn of plenty
And you are at peace
but, for how long?
Is it a Monkey’s Paw theology
where every blessing
is wedded to regret
and embedded with a curse?
Or shall we place our faith in Irony
that law that wrote the Book of Job
wherein he was not smited for his sin
but his goodness?
Here in this privileged silence
I wonder if my little soul
looking down on this creation
had ever wished for quiet in the first place
Collective Path Men’s Gatherings
This gathering is for anyone identifying male who would like to experience more wholeness in the presence of other men – both through support and accountability.
Where: Collective Path Wellness
4, 8500 Shoal Creek Blvd #114
Austin, TX 78757
When: Wednesdays 6:30-8:00pm